the thing I should have written earlier.

I thought of keeping up with this. I am making this into a journal as long as my mind doesn't plan anything else.
yesterday.
I woke up early; talked to myself in the mirror, that's my favourite, being schizophrenic has all the best ways of entertaining oneself. I also have superego. Hence the self admiration-- what else could it be, all of a sudden I have decided to just about my life here. I mean how much could one love herself? I think part of my depression these days is sheer hypocrisy-- I have no one prediction for it. Everyone asks, "Esha what's wrong?"
Esha is not as self aware. She is all about the pretense; stay away from melodrama. According to a person whose words people thought were my only resort said that go through a phase like this every summer or perhaps a bit later. He should know it started last summer. There revelation, I am not ashamed of self pubilication, not today. Who would know what I am talking about.
Going back to the activities of yesterday; I woke up early, went to my old school to collect my A'level certificate-- I met old people, newer limestone stone finish on the walls and the old maid who apparently "knew me very well". I sat in the library and saw two teachers and the librarian's assistant sweating over an "apostrophe" that baffled them greatly. I found it a bit funny that they would not use the dictionary, come on there's no shame in making sure. Overcorrectness lead to their over-stupidity. I now know why my principal used to despise all her employees because they are a bunch of asses who would waste hours over an apostrophe without consulting a dictionary.
From school I went to Rohini's. Ro was still asleep, she went to bed at 9am. Her "orange" boyfriend kept her awake that late, I forgave him-- he has two dimples. Ro and I slept for about an hour; then she had "cold" milk and I had my first cup of tea. And I sulked because before I went out of the house yesterday, Ammu was having of her overbearingmotherlyfits. I don't understand why she does those, it only demotivates me and makes me more stubborn, maybe that's her only way of analyzing things. Maybe.
Ro and I went to Farzana Shakil's where I de-female my face (I hate men; hate to resemble one). Then I kept chatting to Ro while she and her mother(who was already there) pedicured their legs. I liked our conversation. It was fun to have Ro around. There's a certain sense of calm when my friends are near me. I get a positive feeling about things.
Next I went to see Preetha; talked to Nabila and planned to go to her place since she can't possibly get out with the "Shits" going on in her life. We understand really; it must be scary and unnerving to be in her position. Then Preetha and I went to Piran, from where I bought the jute bag, whew. Because the thought of having a leather bag hanging from my shoulder was disturbing me for a long time. Then I realised how I have spent 1000 taka in two days and how broke I was and how I really needed a job. I hate asking for things from people. I wish I didn't have to.
Then Saiqua came and met us at Cafe Mango. I loved our conversation inside Cafe Mango. We laughed at happy people-- we concluded that they were happy because they were delusional; stupid to be precise. Preetha has changed for the greater good in her life. See, at this point we all think we have. But I am beyond happy for wherever all my friends have gone and are. They make me proud. Saiqua got into Parsons(spelling?) and I hope the visa "shit" doesn't become too "shitty" or painful for her.
We went back to Preetha's place-- talked a bit with her mom, where mostly Preetha and Saiqua pulled my legs, trying to figure out the secret behind my "beauty". I rolled eyes till I was too tired.
Then we went to Rifle’s Square because Daiyan(Rohini's brother and my friends' friend) wanted to buy DVDs.
I finally came home in the evening. Ta da da. Ammu screamed, "You shouldn't have come at all."
I ignored and told her (inside my head), "No thank you, I have punished you enough for one day". I am just kidding but I did punish her by making her worried. She needs to know she is overbearing at times. I tackled her fuming remarks with my silence till I went inside my room pretending to go to bed.
Then I had depression fits and got yelled at by Matt who was actually being too patient and nice. And finally I slept at around 4am after conversing with Lal. I think we did talk about something substantial... I don't quite recollect, but my mood changed before I slept. Definitely Bipolarity needs happy thoughts for sleep. Did I say I was Bipolar?